Be prepared. How one question changes your whole experience.
You wouldn’t come unprepared for your exam. So why do you do so while going out?
Networking - or honestly any human interaction - doesn’t start at the moment of meeting one another. It’s always the outcome of things happening prior to it along with our behaviour during and after the act. That’s a lot of touchpoints. Who would have though, huh? It’s not only talking and human interaction.
And for the sake of this series, we’ll focus on those aspects not many of us even consider as a part of the networking activities. Those we can prepare for and have some degree of control without leaving our cave.
Today, we’re talking about being prepared for the social encounter. Having your goal mapped out, and the clear understatement of your “why”. We will explore the mindset that will allow us stay in control since the very beginning.
In today’s case, let’s go way beyond the sheer concept of professional networking. Let’s explore those simple concepts that are a no-brainer in some cases and a complete nuisance in the others. And let’s remind ourselves we can apply those concepts and mindsets wherever we like, wherever it’s beneficial for us.
Personally, I must admit, there are lessons I learned fairly late in my life. Despite knowing about the importance of preparation, it never occurred to me I could do the same while networking. Now I know. Today it’s exactly about that.
Well, am still learning and not always succeeding. But every time I do so, there’s a visible benefit and positive outcome! So bear with me.
So, today we wonder about the answer to this kinda weird question of “What can we do before going out so our experience is way more enjoyable and frutiful?”.
Shall we?
Why the hell am I even here?
Ever asked yourself such a question? Or maybe someone asked you what you’re here for? Your gaze wandering around, getting stimulated with images and microcosmoses you have no faint idea how to find yourself in. With everyone out there seemingly perfectly knowing their role in this encounter. Everyone but you. The oddball, that piece of a puzzle from the other box.
Wasn’t what question the trigger for our anxieties, impostor syndrome, or simply a feeling of doubt? Not being able to let out any coherent rationale. Hell, even incoherent. Wasn’t that the moment of being overwhelmed with loss of control over the situation we were in? Since we couldn’t come up with an appealing answer, how are we supposed to get ahold of our lives, or simply just the networking part? Thus, the rational thing was to claim “it’s not for us” and retreat to areas of our lives that we still had control over.
But we know that story already. Nonetheless, for the sake of this narrative, let’s come back to the question of us being there. Event, conference, party, dinner, whatever, you name it.
What was your answer then?
“Friends, I guess.”,
“I’m in {insert any business}, so I should be at {that business’} conference.”
“Everyone speaks about networking, sooo I’m networking, no?”
“Entirely by random.”
“I think I should be here.”
… Welp. And what does that even mean to you? And how much would that mean to any other person? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a clear answer at hand? But we don’t have it. Just a faint idea here and there.
Isn’t it all happening just because we never asked ourselves this question way before we arrive to the scene? Because we did not consider the possibility of that being the case?
And what if we change the context?
There are cases in which we tend to take preparation at face value. Like an exam or an interview. You gotta prepare - read your notes, research the company. As one needs to present enough knowledge and acumen in the field. Because there are tangible results of putting some work towards the goal. And of not putting any work as well.
You fail and get a D. You don’t get a job. You realize it could be omitted.
Although, for many of us, networking (or any relationship building activity) is not one of those cases. It’s something we unconsciously consider a freestyle, gut feeling-based action. You either feel it and are good at it - or not. Whitch is an absolute bs, but for some reasons I cannot understand, no one is calling this one out. Sure, there are those top-level business matchmakers who tend to focus on prep as much as on the on-ground activities. But that’s a significant minority not entirely focused on sharing their tools of trade.
Remember:
Networking is something we can learn. Something we can train and get better along the way. Something we can experience in our own distinct way. And to do that, we should prepare for it.
Come, have a look. There are plenty of fields we may explore before venturing forth into the belly of the social beast. It’s up to us how deep we’ll go, how much thought we’ll give. Just remember DO NOT try to forsee everything and prepare everything. Accept uncertainties as we won’t be able to get rid of them. Done is better than perfect. We will still be able to have enough ammunition to cope with it all.
So, at the most basic level, think about those points before setting forth. Take a pen and write it out on a piece of paper. Or make a digital note. Or say it out loud. Whatever works for you. But acknowledge this pieces of information. Let your subconscious mind munch on that as well.
Know where you’re going.
Know why you’re going there.
Know who’s going to be there.
Have a plan for what to do when there.
Have a success criteria.
In-depth look at parties.
Let’s assume we’re going to the party. What do we do? Agree on the type of the party and the date. Find a suitable set of clothes. Logistics in general. And that’s a kind of preparation everyone is accustomed to. But what about your PLAN for the said endeavour?
No expectations, just grab some drinks and see how it goes. Kind of our standard approach. The path of the least cognitive resistance - as it worked in the past - for better or worse. Always like that. And sometimes we had a blast, and sometimes it was simply “meh”.
But one can also assume “I’m going to the party to dance like there’s no tomorrow”, while the other’s goal would be “Sit in the corner, eating pierogi with some doggos”. And even though we’re attending the same event, our behavior is drastically different. From the get-go, we already know what we are about to do. There is no need for us to feel the anxiety of trying to find our spot.
And what if the party could not accommodate our plan? Well, do you have a second-best option you can follow? If not - maybe that’s the indicator you’re in a place you shouldn’t be? It’s up to you. Either leave or try to freestyle it. Up to you. But once again - it’s a conscious decision.
Now let’s fast forward. The party’s over, and we’re back in our comfy beds recollecting events from this evening. Obviously, one can say “I had fun” just because - as the outcome of random occurrences, folks around, and going with the flow. I danced, ate, and petted some animals. But that’s not really measurable. And is prone to uncertainty. Did you have “just enough fun”, was it worth it? Would it be better if had you not danced at all?
I’d rather go a different path. Assuming I was the person willing to sit in the corner with some pets and pierogis - my criteria for a fun party that was worth attending was whether I managed to meet my goals. This way, the party is a blast when I can spend most of my time doing what I want to. And I can communicate clearly with all other partygoers about my goals. Don’t push for me to enter the dance floor. This time it’s all about filled dough pockets and furry creatures.
Consider those questions and answers. What’s different?
Why are you at the party?
Because it’s a party. Because that’s what people do. Because social interactions.
What are you going to do?
Party stuff, I guess?
Why are you at the party?
I want to dance for most of the night. I want to eat lavishly. I’m all about starting controversial discussions.
What are you going to do?
Dance. Eat. Introduce unorthodox conversation starters.
Let’s change the context once again.
Now, we’re attending the Dumpling World Forum 2024. Once again, we can go there just because we like dumplings and see how it goes. But as you may already guessed, there could be much more to be done.
I want to improve my dough. Some say you should add eggs to it, some say otherwise. Thus, I’ll grab my notebook and ask as many cooks as possible about their insights on ingredients and techniques. My focus is on this particular subject. I’ve got a goal, a conversation starter, a target.
I saw my favorite foreign cook is going to be there. Is it possible for me to cook a sample of my signature dish and bring in a Tupperware for them to try it out? My sheer goal is to think about how to get to that person and make them eat my dish. Maybe ask for tips&tricks and a signed photo.
I’m a young pierogi enjoyer and would love to work in a restaurant that makes them. Why are we here? So we can find joint owners, have a discussion, present ourselves, and ask for a potential interview.
And if you wish to sell perfumes or discuss the importance of the Oxford comma - it may not be the place for you. Are you certain it’s a proper use of your time, considering the venue you’re at? Either adjust or leave.
Why are you at this event? Why do you network?
I want to learn about X from others.
I want to expand my network of people in Y.
I need to establish new partnerships.
I need to expand my horizons.
I’m looking for some entertainment.
I’m researching an idea.
I want to test my pitch.
I want to break out of my comfort zone and see what networking is all about.
I wish to…
What are you going to do?
Well, that depends on why I’m even here.
Just imagine how your actions will differ, depending on your WHY.
Just imagine how your communication will differ, depending on your WHY.
Just imagine how the overall experience will differ, depending on your WHY.
Just start with your “why”.
Obviously, this concept is neither mine nor fresh. Originally, the concept was promoted by Simon Sinek in his book. There, he states the importance of getting to the root reason of any action. And for us not to settle with the first response that comes up to our mind. Going deep by using consecutive questions till we get to this one thing that makes us say “THAT’S IT”.
With the honest, in-depth answer to the question of “WHY”, the rest follows. Whom to talk to. What to talk about. Where should one go. It’s a nice book.
So. Let’s get started.
Why are you at this event?
Because I want to do more networking.
Why do you want to network more?
I was told it’s worth doing.
Why now’s the time you decided it’s time to start?
I’m worried I’m not doing enough.
Why’s that?
Everyone’s so successful on the Internet and I’m comparing myself to the others.
Why are you at this event?
To learn how to do “more” from the others. Or maybe discover IF I’m truly not doing enough?
To listen to people’s stories and see if reality looks the same as the Internet?
To find like-minded people so I can feel better with myself?
And with each answer, you become more self-aware.
Now let’s continue with our prep. We know why we’re going where we’re going (and where’s that!). We know what for. Next, let’s do our research and prepare ourselves for the action! But that’s something for another day.