Being anxious doesn't mean being an asshole.

There’s nothing wrong with being overstimulated and letting it go

Have you ever been in a situation where you’re entwined into a conversation you don’t want to? Or sitting in a place you don’t feel comfortable with? Tired. Your head hurts and your heart beats as if on the verge of a panic attack. Or an infract.

But you push through. Or wait patiently to look out for any excuse to dash. Surely you do need to keep up your professional face, be polite, and stay till everyone says their piece.

Says who. 

Truly, we tend to go over our heads with that artificial politeness. Imagining we’re doing what we should do. Out of respect, maybe? How the duck is having a conversation while not being able to do it properly a sign of respect?

Leave, come back another time.

Step back, have a rest.

Communicate to me that you’re not in your prime time. Interrupt me if needed with that message. I will appreciate it. Everyone will appreciate it. This is a true sign of respect.

Hey! I want to give you 100% of my attention and brain power. Right now, I’m not able to. So excuse me but I’d like to return to our conversation another time.

That’s it. Do not overthink it. Be as blunt as possible.

Unfinished conversation? Said hi, promised to circle back but never did?

Hey! Had to dash without saying goodbye. I know that might have been a bit weir but my batteries ran out. Would you have some time in the future to continue our talk?

That’s it.

And I stand by my words. See most recent cases.

I’m attending AI Breakfasts once every couple of weeks. Which, on the one hand, are a wonderful, concise experience - but on the other those are more taxing than any other.

Simply - mornings and everything before noon is my “deep work/no meetings” slot. Then, I focus mostly on reading, writing, and thinking. With my thoughts only. So when there’s such an environmental shift from time to time - it’s painful for me. The number of stimuli getting exponentially higher than usual. Sometimes it gets too much. I know there are wonderful people from the AI community but I won’t do anyone any good by trembling and not concentrating whatsoever. There will be another time.

To whomever I tell this - they are understanding of my situation. Respecting rules I live by and that I bent them for everyone out here. No one calls me an a-hole for doing as much as I’m comfortable with - and not more.

They want to make the most out of the time we’ve got together.

Or imagine a different situation. Hosting an event at 8 AM. Leading workshops at 1 PM. Having a prolonged discussion at 4 PM. AND THEN going to poach some contacts I was tracking for a while with my truly exceptional plan for the cooperation.

Would that make any sense to go there? Nope. That wouldn’t work with my remaining capacity for human interaction. Still, I went. And ran away before even talking to anyone. Literally after shaking hands with a person I was tracking.

But being straightforward about my state was THE thing for establishing trust between each other.

In most cases, talking openly about your state is a sign of strength, not weakness. And we want to interact with strong people.

Fortunately, folks out here in tech tend to understand it more and more. There’s no need to lie, to force yourself to do anything. Blunt “Hey, I’m overstimulated and my brain needs a rest now.” is an entirely fine answer. Saying “I’ve got enough and gotta dash” doesn’t make you a weak person. It makes you a conscious person. You wouldn’t have a pleasant experience. Neither would those around you. So why bother? There will be more opportunities.

Just remember to communicate. And follow up. Always follow up.

Or you’ll be the asshole.