Sit in the front row.
How much does the chair impact your lives?
Disclaimer: I am aware that the dynamics we're discussing today can vary depending on one's cultural context, with more pronounced differences in Central and Eastern Europe/North America compared to the South, or Middle East.
It always was like that for us.
Remind yourself one by one. Your childhood, adolescence, college, and adulthood. Recollect those memories of classrooms, auditoriums, boardrooms, buses, and conferences.
Where were you? Physically. What thoughts occupied your mind regarding your place in those settings? What social status or stigma was associated with those slots?
Cool kids in the back. Those wishing to hide somewhere in the middle. At the forefront? Nerds and less popular folks.
With whom would the professor interact on a regular basis? Where would the spotlight be?
Where would we position ourselves on the corporate group photo so we don’t stand out?
But we can break out of the cycle.
Let’s be honest with each other. In our adult life, we already mastered the art of triangulating our location so that our presence is noticed the least. So that we can dash away easily should things become awkward. So that we don’t have to embrace the cringe or try to act cool. So we’re neither in the spotlight nor at the back of the bus. Somewhere in-between. In the safest, most seamless spots.
We’re all those folks sitting in the middle of the bus, in the corner of the lecture hall, or far away from where the action is. By the wall, trying not to bother anyone, letting others take the initiative over.
That’s why I always push to sit in the front row.
Going to classes? Front row. Make use of the tutor’s time and get the most out of this time. Yes, that kind of epiphany comes after you finish college. One of the regrets of trying to act cool, flirt, play games, or simply hide. Provided you even appeared during that class. Wouldn’t you like to pick your past teachers’ brains today?
But you’re an adult now. Conferences, meetings, events, you name it. Front row.
Speakers feel uncomfortable too.
You know what’s worse than public speaking? Speaking to uninterested and/or empty auditorium. As it makes you doubt yourself, undermines your self-esteem, and assumes you are boring. It makes your appearance pointless.
So you know what to do. And yes, it has to be you.
You can make those folks in the spotlight feel waaaay better. Why wouldn’t you want to? By doing that, you’re validating them. Letting them know „we’re here for you”. You’re giving them someone close they can talk to, direct their words, maintain eye contact. And guess what? They. Will. Remember. You. For. That.
You’re most likely getting photographed.
If it’s a public event. So your face appears later on promo materials and in social media, even without your name being visible anywhere. Embrace it. Free of charge promo. There will never be a perfect photo and you know it. So stop crying that you don’t look your best.
You’re restricting yourself from running away.
When feeling uncomfortable. On the one hand - it intensifies your focus on the speaker and reinforces a sense of unity. You’re there for each other. Focus on each other.
On the other hand - if the case is so tragic you need to leave, that’s a huge statement. The front row wields so much power over anyone else.
Make an example of yourself.
Invite others to join. When one introvert decides to take the step of faith, others tend to follow. Thus, you’re not alone there anymore.
Why bother?
Bloody hell. Remember that one thing. You’re the main hero of your own story. Whether you like it or not. You’ve got a limited time out here. Don’t half-ass it. If you’re somewhere, make us of you being there. At least try. Allow yourself to dip your toes and fail. But to try nonetheless. Or don’t bother at all. Sit in the front row.
Being the passive gawker in our personal story only makes us frustrated. Or cynical. Or insensitive and numb. That’s kinda not the set of feelings one would love to build relationships with. So, sit in the front row.
Have you ever experienced the feeling of depersonalization? Your body feels like not your own. Consciousness drifts away and everything you see seems to be perceived from afar. Automatic movements of the body that’s not yours. Someone else’s hands in front of you. Someone else’s lips moving and releasing the sound. Sounds a lot like not sitting in the front row but somewhere hidden. The thing is this time it’s on a personal, not systemic level. You’re not sitting in your own front row.
And what if a person was approaching you, acknowledging your presence, affirming those feelings, and body are of your own? Keeping yourself together. Validating as a human being. Pulling to the front row.
And what if you could be that person as well? Would you be up for validating the other human being’s life? Making them the main characters in their stories?
Sit in the front row.
And be the main character in your story as well.
„For God’s sake, why do you have to make such a big deal out of sitting in the front row during lectures or events?” You may ask. Why do I have to suggest there are parallels between psychological internal struggles and the case of which chair to pick? Sounds bizarre, innit? I still believe there’s a link though.
There’s beauty in connecting the dots between seemingly unrelated concepts, finding matching atoms, and aligning them somehow. Allows me to try to reach different sets of experiences and beliefs. Truly, look out for structures and mental models one can translate from one area to another. Create that brand new neural link that wasn’t previously there.
And bear with me. We’ll be going deeper.